I have been SICK .....I have some kind of "infection", but no one can figure out where. Could I run into ONE situation where Doctors actually have answers??
So I'm on antibiotics, which is YUCKY for me because I'm actually allergic to Penicillin, so I have to take a different category of antibiotics which really bother my stomach.
BUT..... at least I'm on the mend. I feel better now at the beginning of Day 3 (of medicine) than I have felt for almost two weeks! Of course, the worst part of antibiotics, and the reason I avoid them whenever possible, is that you have to take them until they are gone, NOT until you feel better -- you must take them ALL. BLEGH!!! :-P
Anyway, I am doing OK, besides moments of profound sadness. Having dealt with loss and death for over half my life, the part that I hate the most (besides actually LOSING the person I love), is how you can be going along feeling mostly ok, then something will occur to you about your loss that hits you like a truck, and devastates you, and it's like it just happened again. This has happened to me about my Aunts being gone, even as recently as this past Christmas!! And they have been gone for 27 years and 13 years! Some years I coast through The Dates -- you know, their birthdays, their deaths, the last times I saw them -- and mark another year almost nonchalantly ("wow, it's been 25 years since Marcia died!", "today is the last time I talked to Diane before she died 12 years ago, and I still remember almost everything we said").
But then out of nowhere, PEELING POTATOES at the sink with Christmas music playing, listening to my kids enjoying their Christmas presents with Brian helping them set things up, I had to SIT DOWN because a wave a grief came over me that almost knocked me over! Just by happily remembering a Christmas from my childhood when everyone was still alive and we were all together -- a GREAT memory!
So that has been happening ALOT since Cheryl died, and to a smaller degree, my Grandpa. And it's awful because you have NO control over your feelings and reactions to it (or at least, I don't), so no matter where you are when you have these dreadful "realizations", you can just start crying!
And I'm resentful again, that there is this huge loss for me/us, yet the world just continues on like always. I'm supposed to now navigate my life with another HOLE in it. I'm telling you, my life is starting to look like Swiss Cheese.
Anyway, I really didn't get on here to whine and complain about my poor feelings -- :-P
I wanted to share something that I find so comforting and AMAZING!!
Remember all the things I said about my Grandpa....? I knew he would be deeply missed by the community in the Northboro/Southboro/Marlboro area where he had spent most of his life and made such a huge impact, but I had no idea.....
Late coach is called inspiration to many
That is a link to an article in the Boston Globe about him!!!
And here are the obituaries, with numerous condolences and messages about how much he impacted people in a positive way....
See why I am SO proud to be his grand-daughter?!! :-)
(and PS~ they spelled my last name wrong!)
So I am slowly making my way back to the land of the living, not just existing. If I could conquer this mystery "infection", I might actually have the energy to post some pictures of things I made before Cheryl died. I haven't done much since, but when she first went to stay with her cousin, I was working on TONS of things! I had spent so much time WITH her, helping her, that when she left it was like there was nothing to do and I got a little crazy, or some would say "frantic".
I also MUST SAY how much I appreciate all the comments, emails and thoughts and prayers from my dearest friends!!!! I know I keep saying it, but it really means SO MUCH, I can't even put it into words!
Thank you all from my whole heart for the love and care you've sent me!! I will never forget any of it!!! XOXO