Sadness.......

I've been trying to write this post for over a week......

First, I am SO SORRY that I haven't posted in almost a month.  I was starting to really feel inspired after my birthday, especially with Fall starting here, and the trees changing colors.  I'm really disappointed in my blogging efforts all this year..... :-P

Sadly, two weeks ago, we found out my stepmom has stage 3 ovarian cancer, and will have to go through surgery and chemo.  I am devastated.  It's all the more difficult because she is almost 1000 miles away from me (in Mass), so HOW can I be there?  How can I hold her hand or hug her or HELP her AT ALL???

And don't let the word "stepmom" mislead you about what she is to me -- my parents separated and then divorced by the time I was 2yrs old, and they each met their significant-others soon after, and have been with them since.  So I actually don't have ANY memories of my parents together, all my memories are of two sets of parents.  And she has been such a loving, steady influence for me.  She has truly NEVER raised her voice at me!  She was always a kind, gentle teacher (and still is!). 
I have always believed that God gifted me 4 wonderful parents!!  What a blessing!

Her cancer is different than my friend, Cheryl's is -- they are both stage three, but my stepmom's is quite a bit more advanced and has spread further into her body.  

I just cannot believe I'm typing these words. 

I am terrified.  So is she.  It's awful to see her so afraid, after her being such a strong positive woman all my life. :-(  It makes me all the more fearful.  She is trying to be positive, but it's hard with all the waiting and uncertainty.  I know it's hard for ME to be positive -- all I can do is PRAY PRAY PRAY.....but my list is getting long when I talk to God.....what if He doesn't give me what I want SO much? 


So......I am not really going to be blogging or painting or making anything around here for a little bit.  All I've been doing is sitting on the couch, crocheting.  Somehow that makes me feel comforted.  I'm making a shawl for her.  Next I'm going to make one for Cheryl, my friend.  She just finished her last chemo, and she goes next week for her scans to see if her cancer is gone.  More praying.

I promise to come on and give updates when I get them.  I just need a little time to wrap my mind around this, and time to beg God to spare her and let us keep her here a while longer.  Until she finds out more about her cancer (after her surgery), I feel just frozen with uncertainty and foreboding.

I also MUST say that I am SO GRATEFUL for all my dear internet friends!!!!  You are my confidants, my cheerleaders, my prayer warriors......YOU are all a blessing from God to me, too!  I think I would be drowning right now if it weren't for my best online friends!!  And I thank God for you! ^-^